Hanging Pedos by their Bollocks from a Lamp Post 1 - Sex Stories

Hanging Pedos by their Bollocks from a Lamp Post 1

... dressed all in black like a pregnant SS officer he was, see we played footie for the school under 13 team before he got too breathless from the fags. "Yeah, you?" I asked. "All right, what you drinking," he asked. "Fucking cyanide," I said, "Fucking Lib Dems told me to fuck off." "And me," he said, "Just because I battered that Simpkins bastard when he touched me up." "Christ," I said. "Fucking wimps," he said, "What you want, they got Stella." (Artois) "Pims and Lemon," I said, he fucking thought I was serious, "No Stella is ok," We got chatting, "Fucking trouble is as soon we goes out canvassing some bastard attacks us and makes out its us what started it when they comes off worst," Norman says. "They fucking throw stuff and all," Billy Hillman added, "I went down town hall to a meeting and got smacked with a rotten egg." "Christ," I said "And I broke two fingers when I smacked the bastard what chucked it," he added. "I fancy being a Councillor," I said, and I had a few more jars and I must have signed something because next thing I knew this bloody letter arrived at home saying I was their official candidate for the Warmsby ward of Wetherfield Council. It's all very fucking well thinking about being a councillor but when you see nine grand a year up for grabs for just sitting around doing fuck all it gets serious. See I wasn't born stupid it took over nineteen years practice, but there was this "Meet the Candidate" night at the Subscription Rooms so I went down there with ...

... Al and a few others, turned out he was standing for Whetherby Ingleside ward so well we went in together and they thought I was a Lib Dem. I quite liked it, talking bollocks to about twenty bored fuckers what couldn't give a toss, "And what do you think should be done about Pedophiles?" someone asked. "Hang them from a lampost by their bollocks," Al said. "Oh no!" I said, of course I was going to say if you do that their bollocks come off, but you know. "Oh," this old cow said, "I thought BNP supported violent retribution." "Yes but hanging Pedo's by the bollocks don't work." I said. "Quite right!" the old cow said so I shut up. Turned out she was from the Mercury, and it was fucking headlines in Tuesdays chip paper, "BNP rejects Lib Dem call for violence." Norman was straight round the depot, "What the fuck did you mean, 'not hang Pedos up by the bollocks?" "It don't fucking work," I said, "Their bollocks tear off," I told him. "They need a hook up their ass." "You ent wrong mate," he said thoughtfully, "Fucking hell if our lads know you wants a hook up the Pedo's ass and the other cunts think we gone soft you could do all right on Thursday." "Thursday?" I asked. "Polling day you pillock." he said. =================================================== "Sandra," I says she got home from school around half three, "You know I joined the BNP." she looked shocked, "They think I got a chance of becoming a councillor." "Oh Johnno, can you wangle me a council house without me having a ...