1. Once a Nerd Ch. 11


    Date: 8/27/2024, Categories: Gay Male, Author: byhardwoodstudios, Source: Literotica 

    ... meticulous. I crack my eyes open, andfuck, Sam's are too. Lidded and glazed, drunk off the way I'm making him feel.

He makes me feel like a God, and also an unworthy sinner begging at the altar. Everything, nothing.

"Dean—" He gasps between kisses.

"Tell me." I mumble back, too starved to keep my mouth off of him.

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

The stupidity of that questiondoes call for pause. I pull back to look at him. "Sammy, you'reout of your goddamn mind if you think I'm going anywhere that isn't right beside you."

He drops his head, laughing wetly. "You don't have to be a dick about it."

Sorry, John.

Uber's on me, buddy.

—

The hour drive to Sam's apartment is just as quiescent, but only because the combination of food, alcohol, emotional release, and riding shotgun at night have him dozing in the passenger seat.

I'm reminded of his birthday, driving him back after showing up spontaneously to wine and dine him. We don't see each other as often, so I'm not sure how frequently he wears it, but the watch I bought him is strapped around his wrist. In the brittle hush of the cab, a song I can't remember the name of droning at a low volume, I'm aching. I feel antsy, trapped, and frustrated. I know I should better appreciate the opportunity I've been given at FSU, the canyon of possibilities that's opened up for me. But, it's like bouncing off the walls of a box. Dancing in the court of public opinion.

Expectation, age, ...
    ... assimilation.

Even Sam holds these things over my head. Prioritize your future, but don't think you know what's best for yourself, you're too young. Be normal, don't step on any toes. I just want todo what the fuck I want, go where I want, be with him when I want. I want to make these decisions for myself, and if I have to strongarm the entire shiteating world into accepting it, that's what I'll do. The physical distance between us wouldn't be so hard to endure if the time wedo share wasn't stolen away in alcoves and planned in whispers.

I want him to feel like he has just as much of a right to my spaces as anyone else does.

I want to live with himnow, not at some random point in the future. I want to sleep next to him every night and prepare his too-sweet coffee every morning. I want to listen to his rasping, honeyed voice as he reads aloud. I want to share every thought and sit in silence for hours. I just want to do my life with him, all the time. The boring bits, the exciting bits, and everything in between. But, he deserves more than I can give right now. I had to borrow my fucking roommate's truck just to get him back home. I need money and a place in the world that can't be fucked with. Because I've never desired anything this badly, I've never dealt with an emotional struggle. I never had to learn how to be patient, because I wasn't waiting for anything. Fuck you, past me.

"Sammy, hey." Throwing the truck in park, I reach over to smooth a thumb down his jaw, cradling his ...
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