Artie 01 - Sex Stories

Artie 01

... putting me into a weird date situation may not be the best idea if there is something nearby that can be thrown, so, tee he, I'm a look at, but don't touch kind of person, I guess.

Now, if some of that sounds contradictory, I mean, maybe. I don't want to be forced into anything, but I am so, so, so, so ready to be seduced, slowly, but surely seduced! I mean, I'm so ready be asked out on a date.

Anyways, no dates for me and I promise you, the small bucket of golf balls near the front door of my apartment are whiffle golf balls given the small courtyard size at my apartment complex and besides no dates for me, I'm not allowed anywhere near the golf course ever again! I mean, I keep getting calls to visit the jailhouse for old times sakes, but I'm not a "orange" wearing type of person. Susan can pull off wearing orange since she works at the wing's restaurant, but me, not so much.

Well, fast forward a little bit to graduation and a few post grad selfie postings and literally nothing has changed. I mean, the calls and the texts and the offers keep coming, but it always the same old "asking you to suck my dick, Artie, is seduction" or my "are you going to take that booty to the grave, Artie" or my absolute favorite "I'm telling Judge Henderson that you violated parole by stealing Andrea's thighs" and Frank should have stolen a kiss from me for that right there and then! And he might have a surprise in his future if he helps with my community service bake sales in the ...

... Hoosegow. As long as he starts it anyways. And just as long as Frank trades places with Nate.

Anyways, as a "hands off for fear of Artie's right hand" person, things muddled along, until I ran into Nate again at the Renaissance Festival recently.

"I mean, Nate, why don't you just grab one of those oversized turkey legs that Renaissance festivals are famous for if you're hungry, hmm?"

"Um, Artie, I wasn't expecting to explain the birds and the bees to you today, but, um, I'm challenging you, Artie, for a midnight snack if I win and for a midnight snack if I lose, so?"

Well, damn it, people should start out by saying "this is flirting" before they say anything else! I mean, I'm untouchable and mostly untouched and I don't know these things!

"Oh, um, are you sure, Nate? And I'm only asking because I'm that stupid, so?"

"Artie, if you win, we'll play by your rules, but if I win, we have playtime after my midnight snack, so?"

Oh, that I understood alright. He wants me to power up the game console after his sandwich, right, folks? Gulp.

Anyways, it may have been weak, but I felt a little schmoozed.

"Well, Nate, I'm just saying that some people here at the festival have been stuffing my back pockets with cash to sink Mayor Henderson in the dunk tank, so, that's my warning since you haven't even seduced me, I mean, told me what your challenge is, so?"

"Tee he and how many times have you sunk that old faggot in the dunk tank so far this afternoon, huh, ...