Bee's Story, My Story Ch. 11 - Sex Stories

Bee's Story, My Story Ch. 11

... It went by fast despite having to stay a little later. But then the drive home was excruciating. We needed to talk. There was no avoiding it. I had crossed a line last night... and I pulled him over it with me. We needed to talk about what that was going to mean for us. I was more nervous about this than when I confronted my ex about leaking the things I'd sent him. I was more nervous than when my dad found a totally unopened pregnancy test under my bathroom sink and I had to admit that I was sexually active (I wasn't having unprotected sex, I've actually never had unprotected sex, but I had the test just to be safe). I felt like I hit every single red light possible coming home, just drawing out the inevitable. And yet still, when I made it to the apartment... I sat in my car for a few minutes just feeling my heart beating in my chest. But eventually I did force myself to come inside, only to find that he wasn't even home.

In my nervousness over what I would say to him, I'd failed to notice his car wasn't even there. I texted him to ask where he was and if he was okay, and he said he was fine, but that he'd be home late because he was working at school. I was starting to worry that... maybe last night had been too much, and now he wasn't comfortable being around me. I felt such a weird mix of emotions over the whole thing. I forced myself to eat something and tried to milk a little bit, but because of the anxiety of the day, I was feeling pretty drained and ended up ...

... going to bed early.

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Friday, June 21st 2019

We've missed each other all week. I've had late nights, and so has he. But this whole thing has been killing me. I can't delay this any longer, I need to talk to him about Monday.

He's started another group project so I knew he'd potentially be home a little late, but I made sure he'd have to face me when he got home, now that I could stay up as late as I needed to. While before I was just nervous about the conversation, now I was nervous because I hadn't seen him since that night, and I had no idea what he was feeling about me, if he was upset with me or what. His texts sounded normal, but I was actually a little afraid of how he would look at me after how I'd behaved that night. I didn't have to wait long to find out, however. He came home about an hour after I did.

I was sitting in the chair that faces away from the door, still in my clothes from work. I was sitting sideways with my legs over the arm so I could see the door, and when he came in and we locked eyes, I felt like my heart stopped. I couldn't read his face at all. But he closed the door and came closer.

"Hey," he said as he approached, "I've missed you this week!" He smiled, and it made me feel better. Clearly he didn't hate me or think any less of me. In truth he was his usual self. But his smile faltered and I could tell I wasn't being myself.

"Me too." Was all I could say.

"Is.... everything okay? You look ...