1. Star Wars Cantina Whores


    Date: 11/27/2023, Categories: Celebrities & Fan Fiction, Author: byJDSavanyu 

    ... bit."

The twin suns drifted below the desert horizon, and twelve prostitutes shuffled into that wretched hive, wearing skimpy leather bikinis with metal frills. Six human and six alien hookers. An orange-skinned Togruta had a gray striped head cape and big tits, and a purple-skinned Melkudo had cute little horns and bigger tits.

"Aarrwwwrragggg."

"No way, Chewie. Those extraterrestrial bitches are hot, but my Kiljian faith forbids interspecies fornication. I got my eye on that flaming redheadhomo sapien."

His eyes were locked on the sexiest twenty-something ginger he ever saw. Her big blue eyes and pale white skin clashed nicely with her copper hair, and the rest of her bod was totally bangin'. Han Solo strutted toward her like a 1970's porn star. She batted her eyelashes, tossed her hair, and wobbled her hips in his direction. Chewie followed close behind, like his own private bodyguard.

"Hey there, Slutty Red Riding Hood. Are you looking for a Big Bad Wolf?"

"You're not so bad, Mister Solo."

"How do you know my name?"

"I've seen you around Mos Eisley, and heard about your wild parties across the galaxy."

"I'm a real ladies' man."

"Ohreally? Something tells me you're a closet cocksucker."

He gave her a dirty look, and Chewie growled softly.

"I'm not a faggot, bitch."

"Then you must be a douchebag wanker who can only get laid by call girls."

Chewie growled louder.

"Han Solo? More likeHand Solo," she remarked, jerking her right ...
    ... hand up and down on her nonexistent penis. "Wandering through outer space with nothing but a hairy wookie."

Chewbacca growled louder, baring his fangs threateningly.

"Easy, Chewie, easy. She's just teasing me. That's what hookers do, to get their johns in the mood."

"Yeah, you love how I tease you. I know you have a thing for feisty redheads."

"You got that right, ginger. Let's cut the chit-chat and find out how 'feisty' youreally are."

"Only if you got twenty credit chips burning a hole in those tight pants."

"I got way more than money in my pants, Miss . . ."

"Katvana. But you can just call me Kat."

"Iwill call you Kat. Come on, let's get out of this lousy two-bit watering hole."

Han grabbed her left wrist and led her away from the bar. Meanwhile, an argument near the door got real heated.

"Rebel scum!" shouted a long-bearded human.

"Fascist fucking Vader-lover!" shouted a clean-shaven Advozse.

Punches were thrown, and it quickly escalated to a massive brawl. Ten humans and twelve aliens duked it out, like a Wild West sci-fi saloon. Even the Modal Nodes got involved, using their wind instruments as weapons. Han, Chewie and Kat bobbed and weaved toward the exit.

A buffed-up squid-like sullustan punched Solo in the stomach, and he slugged that rubbery alien right in the mouth. Chewie grabbed its left arm and twisted it around its back, making it howl in pain. It reached into a pocket and pulled out a small laser blaster, pointing it at ...
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