Reassessing My Life - Pt. 1 - Sex Stories

Reassessing My Life - Pt. 1

... intentionally muted the little voice in my head, the one that said, “This is neither the life nor the woman for you.”

I was a nerd, a fit, athletic one, but a nerd, nonetheless. I always had been, and I was happy that way. I wanted to major in history, for God’s sake, and teach, but I took the easy path of not arguing with my dad so I could get my college paid for. Then I joined his frat, which I didn’t want to do; I’d never liked fraternities, either conceptually or their typical membership.

I took CS instead of business like Dad really wanted, but that was still another compromise that made me closer to who he wanted me to be, rather than who I was. And then I married someone who was like one of his trophy wives, someone he would have been happy with instead of me because I had surrounded myself with people who thought like him instead of me.

I’d lost myself in college instead of finding myself.

I’m not trying to run my father down, but he’s not me, and I’m not him. I respect him, and I love him, but I don’t want to be him. I’m a lot more like my mom, but I’d always thought that maybe dad had regretted marrying her and decided to course correct later in life. I guess I’d become just like him after all.

I felt disgusted, but less about Kim’s cheating and more about my lack of a spine. What the fuck had I let myself get turned into? The fact that I was sadder and angrier about that than her infidelity told me everything I needed to know.

I didn’t raise a ...

... scene at the party. It just didn’t matter enough to bother. I texted her the pictures I’d taken, that we were getting a divorce, to not come home, and that I’d make arrangements so that she could pick up her stuff. Then I went home, moved her things into the guest bedroom– because I was almost certain she’d ignore the directive to not come home– and locked the door to my room before falling, fairly quickly, into a restful sleep. For the first time in a long time, I felt unequivocally like I was moving my life in the right direction.

That lasted a couple of hours before Kim was banging on the bedroom door, begging to be let in, crying, pleading to be given another chance. I just told her to go get some sleep, and we’d talk in the morning; I’m pretty sure she laid down next to my bedroom door in the hallway and slept there.

The next morning, I sat her down at the kitchen table, and we talked.

“We’re getting a divorce, Kim. That’s going to happen, no matter what.”

Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. “No! I’m sorry, Jason, I’m so sorry, but we can make it work! I’ll do anything to make it work!”

I shook my head. “It’s not… Your cheating made me realize there was a problem, but the cheating isn’t the reason we’re getting a divorce. We never should have gotten married, Kim. I’m not in love with you.”

Kim looked at me with a sad, sympathetic expression. “Oh, Jase, I’m so sorry. I hurt you so badly, honey, but you don’t need to lie. I know you love me, and I love you. ...