February Sucks for Walter Mitty - Sex Stories

February Sucks for Walter Mitty

... tell stories.

Good stories. Persuasive stories.

I started thinking about the narrative. The public story. Given my line of work, I'm surprised it took me that long. I blame the concussion.

Jane's post had gotten a couple hundred comments, ranging from people berating me for being a wimp to people berating Linda for being a cheater. About what I'd expected. I created my own post, which I linked to it:

Dear friends, family and neighbors,

As you might have heard, on Friday night, my wife Linda cheated on me. You may have seen the videos of her dancing with Marc LaValliere, our city's illustrious tight end. But those videos don't tell the whole story, and I think you deserve to know everything that happened...

I laid out my story and linked to all the videos I'd compiled. I tagged everyone involved, including Moizoos, Smith, LaValliere, Morrison's, and the people sitting at our table. I even found the Facebook page for the band that was playing that night and got them into the mix. Finally, I put in a conclusion:

So there you have it. My wife cheated on me with one of the city's best-known sports stars. When I objected, he and his teammates sent me to the hospital. As far as I can tell, this was done with the consent--and in some cases, the active support--of our friends, the club we attended, and even Morrison's house band. I pride myself on being someone who takes care of his family, but when you're faced with the Bills' offensive line, a tableful of ...

... traitorous friends, and a wife who's decided that a night of fun is worth more than her marriage... well, there isn't much you can do, really.

I have already submitted a police report detailing the events of that night, and will begin divorce proceedings against Linda as soon as possible. In the meantime, I hope that all of you will take this opportunity to think about what each of us owe each other.

Think about loyalty.

Think about love.

Think about friendship.

And, while you're at it, think twice before going to Morrison's on a Friday night.

Bailey thought that it was a little preachy and probably nosed up against the edge of online harassment. Then a random Gen Z kid (who JUST HAPPENED to have a grandfather at Timber Ridge and JUST HAPPENED to love ziplining) did a dramatic reading of my post on TicToc, and the whole thing went viral. Needless to say, Bailey became apoplectic.

Thankfully, the District Attorney was less concerned about online harassment than physical assault, and she secured a court order requiring Morrison's to surrender its footage from February 29th. At first, the club's management balked, claiming that their security cameras weren't working that night, but when the DA expanded the court order to twelve other nights that LaValliere had been caught on video dancing with someone else's wife, I guess they decided that the jig was up.

The DA also required LaValliere to submit his Superbowl ring for forensic testing, which brought the whole ...