My Audition - Sex Stories

My Audition

A few months after my divorce, I knew I wasn’t ready to start dating, but a casual hookup could help relieve some of the post-divorce stress. It’s not like I was getting a lot of action before we separated, but once our lawyers were done screwing me, I was living a life of forced celibacy. And then I found the online world.

I managed to get my profile set up, telling the cyber world I was a “recently divorced carpenter, looking for a good board to nail.” I’ve been told I’m easy on the eyes – not Brad Pitt, but people don’t cringe when they look at me. I work out regularly, especially since the divorce. There’s something cathartic about taking out your frustrations on the free weights. My profile pics were just some shots of me and my pup because he is a total babe magnet and rarely leaves my side. If he ever bought a round of drinks, he’d be the ideal wingman.

So there I was Friday night, sitting on the couch eating pizza and drinking beer, checking out profiles of women near me. Lots of cute faces, great eyes, and sexy poses. At first, I was spending a fair bit of time on each profile, checking out their pics and reading their bio, and then swiping left to move to the next person. It didn’t take me long to learn that most of the profiles were pretty much the same. Carefully crafted – sometimes shopped – photo and a pithy quote from an inspirational authority, but too often via Oprah. I started swiping left and right solely based on the initial profile pic. If this was ...

... a hookup app, I really didn’t need to know much about them, anyway. If we matched, I’d learn more.

I played with the app for an hour or so, mostly swiping left but there were lots of potential connections, and I became pretty liberal about who I swiped right. I put the tablet down and took Jake out for his pre-bedtime walk. We were out for half an hour or so, as he checked his pee-mail and made sure the neighborhood was free of random cats, squirrels, and whatever else dogs see that we can’t. When I got back to the house, I noticed there was a new notification on the tablet. Sure enough, the site had found me a match – three, in fact – so I grabbed another beer and sat down to learn more.

The first two matches were interesting. One was a 25-year-old single mom about 15 miles away. She was looking for some fun and wanted to know if I could bring over any “party favors.” Pretty sure I knew what she wanted, and that wasn’t my scene. The second was a bit more interesting, and a quick look at her profile told me she was still married but looking for some fun on the side. I really didn’t want to be that guy, so I moved onto the third connection, Sarah.

Sarah was intriguing. An attractive blonde, maybe in her early forties, with a profile that said she was divorced and had a daughter in university. I said hello and she replied, and we chatted for a few hours. During the chat, she mentioned she had a door that sticks shut, and it was a bitch to open in the wet months. I told ...