What Happens Behind Closed Doors - Sex Stories

What Happens Behind Closed Doors

Alright, let’s seeee heeeere...Got the seasonings, ketchup, honey mustard, tonight’s dinner, scented candles, my cherry almond lotion that I love so much because it’s the best lotion flavor to ever exist in the history of ever, I’ve got desserts, my wine, aaaand I think that should do- waaait, still gotta get the forks. That would’ve been problematic.

I head over to the cutlery aisle and just my luck, I’m getting the last one. I reach over to grab it and add it to my collection, but as I do, I notice a woman approaching, eyeing the box of forks. So I immediately snatch it from its post and place it in my cart. Speed is everything. Surely, she’ll understand. She walks up to me, smiling before saying,

“Ah, dang it. Guess I should’ve gotten the vase last.”

“Yeah, I guess you should have,” I reply, “Otherwise, you would’ve had these in your possession instead. But that’s not what’s going on, is it? No, I got here first and now they’re mine.”

“Uh...yeah. That’s how it works. 9/10s of the law and whatnot, I guess.”

“Yup. Guess it’s gonna be quite a while before they restock. Maybe you can manage your time more wisely before you let those slip through your fingers, too.”

“Hopefully. Forks are kinda essential for the table. You know what else is?”

“What’s that?”

“Manners, you douche.”

Ok, wow. Crazy how your mind can just play tricks on you like that. I mean, there’s no way she actually said that to me.

“Excuse me?” I ask, giving her the opportunity ...

... to correct this error,

“You heard me,” she replies, “Like, congratulations. You got the last box of shitty, flimsy, plastic forks that don’t really do their job that well. What, you want a cookie?”

“Did you really just suggest that I don’t have any manners not five seconds ago, only to display lack of manners within yourself, madam? Hypocrisy is an ugly color, you know?”

“First, the expression is ‘Jealousy is an ugly color’. But I should’ve guessed that intelligence isn’t your strong suit. Secondly, you can’t be that much of a pompous prick without someone having something to say about it. It’s not cool, dude.”

“Oh, and it’s ‘cool’ to just skip over the fact that I was only joking? Someone needs to loosen up a bit. Which is kinda surprising. The way you carry yourself, I would’ve guessed that you were all too familiar with the concept of ‘loosening up’.”

“Wow, you must be the life of parties. I mean, the ladies have gotta be crazy about you.”

“You see, you’re being sarcastic, but you couldn’t be more accurate. I’ve got so many chicks on my jock that I had to get divorced in order to really enjoy them all. And parties are kinda like my second house.”

“Really? You’re seriously doing this right now?”

Oh, she’s one of those. That explains everything. Well, luckily for her, I’m in a generous mood.

“Yeah, go ahead and act like you aren’t interested in that lifestyle,” I say, seeing through her facade, “I can read girls like you like a book. You’re so ...