Just wanted to vent and get my story out - Sex Stories

Just wanted to vent and get my story out

... around me about the things I like or feel. But when I am around my friend and my ex who is also my friend, Amanda and Ashley, I do not feel alone anymore. I don’t talk, and I know that they could probably care less about what I like so I don’t talk to them about it, but even when they unload their baggage on me when they vent, I do not have that feeling of loneliness anymore. And even if it is just for a few hours twice or three times a week, a small fraction of time out of my entire week, I crave for it like an addict. I leave my house to spend hours and hours at school, sometimes up to an hour just waiting for a class to start to get out of my house, away from the place I feel the most depressed and lonely. And I hate that. I hate it so much, I hate myself for it. I am not suicidal, I like to think that I am too intelligent for that to happen. If there is one thing that I do have, it is some form of higher than average intelligence. I just have an incredibly hard time conveying that, but I am fine looking stupid in front of people, I’ve been doing that my entire life so why try to change. I only end up giving people a surprise every now and then, so it’s not all that bad. I just wish that I wasn’t myself. I have the typical wishes for myself like anyone. Wish I was smarter, more confident, better looking, ...

... had a bigger dick, more physically fit, better luck with the opposite sex. But if I was given the choice, between all of those wishes becoming true, or being able to be more normal, to create and experience feelings through myself and not by way of leeching them from others, I would take that choice every single time. Writing this out has been, revealing. I’ve talked myself through all of this a thousand times in my head, but actually typing it out onto something even as simple as a word document, I guess you could call it cathartic for myself. I gives me horrible dread when I look back through my life and see the many, many disappointments and lost opportunities that have passed through me. And it is also completely heart breaking to see the type of person I am, and that is to realize that I am neither a nice or good person even though I so want to be. But still, it is completely cathartic and does something to help. Take what you want from this, I just wanted to have a way to get this off my chest. And posting it here I know that no one from these stories will ever see it. No one from my family or friends, or anyone in my life will ever read or see this. Their names are there, I didn’t change them except for mine, not that I really needed to seeing as how I never mentioned myself in the third person. Joe