Just wanted to vent and get my story out - Sex Stories

Just wanted to vent and get my story out

... public. Thinking back, I still can’t believe what I had done. That wasn’t me, I take full credit and responsibility for what I did but that was not the same person who I am. And because of it all, because I was fucking stupid and took a goddamn joke from a fucking card game, cards against humanity if you were wondering, too far I lost the one person that I was able to touch, to talk with, to try and seek feelings for. I also got told by our mutual friend, the one who I made in my psych class, that whenever we hugged, that she could feel me. And that was true. Completely true. I was told by our mutual friend that the problem was that whenever she was around me, she feared that all I had in my mind was that I wanted to do her. The truth of the matter was, I was around a pretty girl I found extremely attractive and couldn’t control myself. Her leg would touch me and I would be at half-mast. Her fingers could brush my arm and I would be completely erect. And I brought it up after our first kiss, which lead to several dozen kisses, no tongue just lips. I apologized to her about my dick, sorry that I was so bad at controlling myself. And she laughed, her pretty little chuckle, and she told me that it was okay. I guess it wasn’t. So now I have no one. I am back to my old self, alone in a place where I am surrounded by people. I have been reduced to a sounding board for peoples problems, and I just sit there and listen taking it all in. I give advice tidbits here and there, I crack ...

... a joke to try and lighten the mood, but I never talk back unless asked directly what I thought. I do my best to understand what people go through, and I get filled up with their problems, and those problems mask the problems that I have myself. The reason I think that I am doing all of that is to just feel something. When I have a problem I just have a physiological reaction. Hair on the back of my neck standing up, pulse quickens, I never have a mental, an emotional, reaction except for the “how do I get out of the situation?”. I think that I have actually become the type of college student I so hated my first semester in college. I’ve turned myself into a leech. But instead of money or rides, I leech the feelings from people when they talk. I have to, it makes me feel not so empty inside, it gives me the illusion of understanding others and feeling like how they feel. I hate it, I hate it so very much. I want to scream, I want to yell, I want to punch people, I want to kick them until they are dead, I want to hug people until they hug back, I want to carry them on my back, I want to do so much, But all I end up doing is keeping my mouth shut and nodding along, taking it all in. I’ll always be a sounding board, a confidant that isn’t really a confidant. I never tell others about what others have told me, unless I know that other person knows about what I am talking about, but even then I just put out feelers to see how they react to it all, to try and understand how I should ...