### 2015-07-02: Thanks, happiness and a choice of smut - Sex Stories

### 2015-07-02: Thanks, happiness and a choice of smut

... it'll feel so stupid. ### 2015-06-19: Depression, deletion Okay. I'd say good morning, because it's always morning somewhere on the net, and I like the idea of a new dawn and a new day. But that's not how I feel. That's not how I feel at all. I've gotten involved with a particular story site a little too deep and the ensuing rollercoaster ride has drained my resources considerably. (Memo to self: Do not discuss gun control with americans.) I don't really talk that much about myself, partly because I have the inclination to retch whenever I read other author's "author notes" or "updates" of which 90% can be summed up as "(working on / just published / am behind on) new story". Well, I am all of the above. But right now, I'm fucking drained. (Memo to self: Do not exhaust your energy on debates with trolls.) I have an inclination to depression. That doesn't mean I'm chronically depressed, only that my mental "skin" is, for reasons, quite thin. Nothing I can do about that, "grow a thicker skin" is not exactly useful advice. So. I tend to get involved in things that will very quickly go under my skin and then it eats at me. (Memo to self: Do not talk to stalkers.) My mood is on a cyclical swing, and months of pretty good mood and productivity are followed by months of dejection. I do not think it's "manic-depressive" because it's not very severe, but what do I know? On top of it all, I work in a very stressful job (which we all do; what job today isn't stressful?) and that alone ...

... creates a constant atmosphere of pressure and upheaval. I do not cope well with either. (Memo to self: ?) I thought writing itself was my relief from all that, and it is; it's the "social" aspect of it that's exhausting. I try to keep in touch with fans, I make friends, I find affection and submission and love. But I'm an introvert. Social interaction is exhausting to me. And negative social interaction (trolls, stalkers, haters) is doubly exhausting. (Memo to self: Find better strategy.) So what am I trying to say with all of that? Well, I had to pull the brakes, get away from it for a while and recharge. I can't cope. I can only endure, or not. Right now, I can not. I'm waiting for a time when I can. (Memo to self: Do not discuss In the meantime, I have, in an act of utter stupidity, wiped a virus-infected partition on my computer only to remember that I forgot to back up my latest stories. So, they're gone. That's that. (Memo to self: Do not delete stuff unless you didn't need it for at least a couple of months.) Also, a second Tumblr blog I had started at the beginning of the year got deleted a few weeks ago, again. (Memo to self: Do not bother with Tumblr. Porn pics are fine there, porn stories are not.) So, as a lesson from all that, I've started an overhaul of this website, to use it for a blog and other fun stuff, just to have a place where I can write whatever the fuck I want and control the interaction, am not subject to other people's rules (WTF, Tumblr?) and, when ...