Matt and Jason Ch. 06 - Sex Stories

Matt and Jason Ch. 06

... a couple of old friends hanging out. it was like when we first started hanging out a few months back. Easy. Easy to the point of almost being careless... or maybe carefree. Like we had the whole world at our fingers, and all the time in the world to make use of it.

It was so weird. I'd been surrounded by guy friends--my buddies--my entire life. I was surrounded by my buddies still. But there had never been any thought, never any interest, in taking any other steps with them before. Why now? What was different? It was hard to wrap my head around it. Weird.

Finally, in a quiet moment while we were stuffing our faces with leftover pizza, I broached the subject with Matt. Thinking out loud, really.

"Hey Matt... I've just been turning something over in my mind. I... we... well, what are we doing?" He cocked his head curiously. "Don't get me wrong, I fucking LOVE what we're doing and this has been the best weekend of my life. But... are we like... buds? More? Can you be buds and more? Are we like... lovers? I mean, shit... that sounds like something out of a shit-romance novel or something."

Matt paused, opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, paused, opened his mouth wider as if he was going to say something, and paused again.

Finally, he put his pizza down and very deliberately started to speak. "Well. That's a question. Thing is, I don't do labels all that well, just on principle. Putting a label on something usually makes me want to rip it off. And ...

... this is something that I really hesitate to label...." And he basically trailed off.

I countered. "Yeah, I'm not really looking to label anything, and... this," I said while gesturing between us, "is something I don't even know if know what the possible labels even are. It's just, every time I'm with you, it feels like were moving further and further into uncharted territory. That's cool! I mean, I'm not freaking out or anything, but I'm just... trying to process everything."

"Yeah," Matt said quietly. "I know what you mean. It doesn't help that... well... shit. I don't know how to say it without sounding like a total loser, but... well, the whole breakup with Alicia really fucked with me. I tried to just, you know, carry on and everything, but it... it really messed me up. And sometimes I... well... shit. I feel like... I don't know what I want and I'm fucking things up. Like... everything."

"What?" I said, sitting up straight.

"Shit. No, this doesn't have anything to do with you... us. What we're doing. Shit. Maybe it does."

"No really, what are you trying to say?" I asked with rising alarm.

"No! It's not... it's not.... Oh, fuck, I don't know. You said you had been cheated on, right? So you remember. Those first few months was the worst moment of my life. Total humiliation. Feeling less than as a man. Feeling stupid. Feeling like you're totally damaged goods and you'll never be in another relationship again. Feeling like you can't trust yourself to ever ...